About this down low bullshit ...

This post was a long time coming, but after reading yet another article about Black relationships, I finally had to vent for real.

I'm sick of all this "down low" bullshit.

First, let me say that I am no Bible-thumping religious homophobe. I know only a few Black gay men and could not begin to comment on the risks and challenges they face by being both a Black male and a gay man. Like the French, I'm capable of separating my government and my neighbors from my personal religious beliefs. Therefore I do not impose those beliefs upon others.

For me, my problem with the "down low" ruse is that it basically amounts to character assassination of Black men. I would think that most Black men who are gay, know it and would prefer to be "out" but I don't know for sure because I can't speak to their feelings. In 2006, do gay brothas consider it necessary to disguise their lifestyle by marrying a woman, starting a family etc., because being out would damage their lives, careers and earnings potential?

So as a heterosexual male, I am offended by the intimation that so many of us are leading these dual lives where we supposedly sleep with other men. With so many other negative comments being made about Black men in general (unintelligent, lazy, criminal, diseased, etc.) it pisses me off that now we are both now accused of being promiscuous AND that this so-called phenomenon is reason to give Black women (or any other type of women for that matter) pause to not get involved with us in relationships. To me it smacks of another way to undermine Black male-female relationships already in crisis. Where are the stats to back up this so-called phenomenon? Why do Black authors, journalists and talking heads seek to profit from it? And even with the alarming incarceration rates of young Black men, I just don't think they suddenly decide to sleep with men for the first time and then make it a habit once they get out. I'm not buying it.

Marriage is for white people

I've been posting on the blogs of others, but it's time to focus on mine, even if no one reads it.

A recent Washington Post article with the same title as this post discusses the reasons why Black marriages have declined since the 60s to the point now where the numbers of never-married Black men (43%) and women (42%) are half that for whites (27% for white men and 20% for white women.

Why? To me it's because of: money, status and kids.

MONEY: Much has been made of how the majority of Black women from the mid-20s up, outearn their male counterparts in the same age range. The conventional wisdom goes that with financial security no longer an issue for these women, they are not forced to endure unhappy marriages for the prospect of financial security for themselves and their children.

Likewise, affluent Black men and their less wealthy bretheren seek to retain their earnings to themselves instead of contributing to the household income with a spouse. Some working-class and working poor brothas are not down for sharing their hard-earned wages either. And admittedly, brothas in all tax brackets have children for which they are financially responsible, so marriage would make the earnings pie yet smaller. In summary, neither single Black men, nor single Black women want to give up the hard-earned ducketts.

STATUS: Marriage does not hold the status it had in the past. While we glorify the Black marriages in the public eye (the Cosbys, the Lee-Simmons, the Pinkett-Smiths, the Lees, the Reids, the Jacksons [as in Samuel L.]), mainstream unmarried couples like Tim Robbins and Susan Surandon, Bob DiNiro and his latest sista; and Oprah and Steadman (on/off as they are) are shacked-up and often with kids in a domestic setting with everything but the rings. With a joint income no longer a necessity for Blacks to gain a social foothold in the middle class, the appeal of marriage is in decline.

KIDS: 40 years ago, it was scandal to have a child born to unwed parents. Now, its commonplace, almost celebrated by public figures who give birth without being married. This is not a religious rant, just an observation.

And the wildcard is: S-E-X. People complain about sex all over the airwaves and in movies where teens and kids can see, but the reality is no one has a problem with adults getting their swerve on. I'm of the belief that for most people, once you have sex for the first time, you can just add it to that list of necessities like food, water, clothing and shelter. Sex outside of marriage is commonplace. So if two adults want to hit it, there is nothing to stop them. And socially, its accepted, so if man A and woman B want to hook up, they can.

So there you have it.

TiVO ruined my life

So Wifey for months (or is it years) has been on the "can we get a TiVO" tip. Now I'd heard about TiVO and it supposedly time and space-altering abilities, but never thought it a big deal. And I'm a technology geek. Surprisingly, I went back to my archaic VCR, thinking that nothing on television is really worth keeeping and cataloguing.

Then I began to see and hear people describe their life-altering experience with TiVO with the same relgious fervor people describe when they buy an iPod. I'm a music fiend, so I started listening. Wifey just went and bought a TiVO before the Olympics.

I initially resisted the alien in my own house, but slowly, eerily I was reeled in by its slit digital eyes and annoying-ass "Snapple-cap pop" noise when you instruct it to do anything. And now, it's got me. Technology can now BEND TIME!! Watching something worthwile on DirecTV (a challenge in and of itself despite a gazillion channels) and got to pee? Pause the Live TV. Have a favorite show worth watching? Get a season pass by name. No times. TiVO does that for you. Hell, you can even tell it to record something from your desktop computer at work or your laptop wherever you can get WiFi. So now, I can watch every frackin' episode of Battlestar Galactica I didn't already buy on iTunes, get to see Jack Bauer yell at every single bad guy (WHERE IS THE GAS?!!) before he shoots someone else in the kneecaps on 24 and watch Vic and the boys (minus 1) on The Shield. I'm covered.

Now, I'm only waiting on the program that will allow me to TiVO in high def, then download straight to my PowerBook and iPod. Isn't technology grand? Screw buying the $50 season DVDs of any of my top shows. I can save them all (now) from TiVO to a few rewritable DVDs and watch them on the plane. Instant gratification: the American Way.

Fake ass dept. store security

So Mon. morning, I stopped by a department store at which I worked more than 10 years ago. It was early (they'd just opened) and I was looking for a thin sweater on clearance. The sales brutha pointed to more sales racks down at the end of the section. As I went down there and perused, that was when I saw him. Some things never change.

The cop-wannabe fake-ass security guards at this department stores always walk around with a cellphone, pretending to have a nonexistent conversation as they (not so) inconspicuously monitor someone. Usually, they monitor groups of Black teens. Here I was in biz attire, just trying to find a merino sweater. I spy the guy spying on me. So I go right over to where he's lurking, looking him dead in his face. Immediately, he walked away quickly, retreating like he was a roach suddenly in the sunlight.

Just call it "shopping while Black."

I effin' hate fake-ass department store security.

A little meeting back in 2001. So what's next?

As a willing media drone, I'm constantly wondering just what is the problem here. Is it:

a. The media has done a fracked up job in explaining to the American public just what is going on in this country, from government policies, big business corruption and an out-of-control health care crisis.

b. The American public just isn't interested or doesn't care.

Let's see:
1. Media widely report that the Veep had a clandestine meeting with the heads of the largest energy companies. Attempts by the GAO (Gov't Accounting Office) to gain access to notes, minutes and attendees of the meeting are stonewalled by the Bush Adminstration, citing executive privilege. Later, members of the energy companies are brought before an inquiry committe, but not sworn in. This allowed them to not admit attendance at the Cheney meeting and therefore commit perjury. The American public sighs. Four years later, many of these companies post record profits in the aftermath of Hurricanes Katrina and Rita and rising oil prices.

2. Abu Gharib prison photos circulate and are published in papers throughout the world. An investigation ensues. The grunts are charged and sentenced. No one seems to notice or care that top operatives from Gitmo trained the top operatives at Abu Gharib. The connection is published in several major newspapers. America yawns. Even more shocking photos are supressed from U.S. media, but published in Austraila. Two years later. To date, no senior military officials have faced a military tribunal.

3. Jack Abramoff. He made Indian tribes become lobbyists to get casinos while skimming off the top. AND he basically laundered contributions to the RNC, re-distributing them to the tightest election campaigns and just skirting the law on campaign contributions.

4. Despite no evidence substantiating the claim, some Americans STILL believe Saddam Hussein was tied into the 9-11 attacks.

5. Haliburton, the company who signed the Veep's checks before he became Veep, is investigated for millions of dollars in suspected corruption, unaccounted funds and incomplete work. After much congressional hand-wringing, the government quietly pays Haliburton nearly all of its no-bid contact.

6. The Veep gives a hawkish speech in which he states his opposition to Iran obtaining nuclear weapons technology under ANY circumstances. Sec. of State Condoleeza Rice joins in the saber-rattling.

I could go on.

Another one bites the dust

Knight-Ridder is soon to be no more. The media company, respected by journalists for its commitment to journalism excellence, is on the verge of being sold to the McClatchy Co. McClatchy is another family-owned newspaper chain respected for its focus on journalism more than advertising alone. Make no mistake: I'm under no illusions that like anything else, media are businesses with bottom lines, profit margins, sales goals and volatile market conditions. Our readership/viewership is changing and we must adapt. But the fact that shareholders, concerned over erosion of double-digit profits that other industries would kill for, can cause a company to be sold remains as disheartening as it is commonplace. To thousands of journalists, K-R is more than just a business. It is one of the brightest symbols within the industry because of a commitment to the truth. Like Times-Mirror and Pulitzer before it, the pending purchase of Knight-Ridder is another casualty to a changing industry where deeper and deeper pockets are required to compete. And the number of media companies with cavernous pockets is MUCH smaller now than even five years ago.

What do I hope? It's simple. I hope for my friends at K-R papers and those whose papers will be re-sold in the coming days, ownership with a respect for their hard work, a commitment to embodying the role of the Fourth Estate and a directive to go forward and remain the embodiment of a free press, informing the public with not just the right to know, but the need to know as well.